God's favor

I cried yesterday.  A lot.  It started on the drive to church.  I just started and I don't know why.  Well, that's not true exactly.  I was missing...a lot things.  Missing family, friends...missing the "familiar."  I pulled myself together enough to get my make up on and all.  And then it hit me.  Again.  During Bible study.  In front of people who don't really know me yet.  But, it happened...and the tears came....Again.  And they continued right on through the first half of the worship service.  At first they were tears of grief, loneliness, but at the end they were tears of well, being loved and shown favor. 
See, this past week has been a struggle.  I want, well, more than I have.  Along the way the past month or so I've wanted God to show me His favor...and I knew HOW I wanted Him to show me.  (As if He owes me anything!)  And perhaps I can be totally honest and admit the jealousy of wanting what He's blessed others with (gasp!).  That was the problem.  I want God's favor, but it is His to give me, not as I demand.  So, I've struggled with these thoughts all week.  Asking and wanting God's favor, but it seemed SO far from me....but why?
It was in Bible study that God's word spoke right to my heart.  The words could have been audible to me it was SO clear.  We are in our final week of study on the prodigal son etc. in Luke 15.  And, final as in FINALLY.  Anyway, I relate to the older son (a lot).  The one who threw what I like to call a hissy fit because his brother came back and his father threw him the party, etc.  Someone in our class said they didn't understand how this parable had anything to do with the older son, and I thought I'd share how much I felt like the older son.  I was reading over the scripture though and these words hit me.  The father (representing God) said to his older son, "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours."  And of course, the tears flowed as I tried to share what God was speaking to me.  I don't know what the class heard, but I KNOW I experienced a Word from my Father at that moment. 
God has shown me His favor.  He is my favor.  I am always with Him!  His presence, love.  The God of the universe, who created all things, speaks to ME.  That's huge!  "His divine power has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness...." (2Peter 1:3)  He has called me out and in a sense, singled me out, to be one of His. 

I want a lot...but I want God more.

...as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.       1 Thess. 2:1-12