Choosing to SEE

Mary Beth Chapman wrote a book recently called Choosing to SEE.  I did NOT want to read this book.  I had seen it out on book shelves and heard a lot about it, but I had already decided that it was not something I wanted to read.  A little over two years ago their 5 year old daughter was run over and killed by a vehicle that their son was driving.  Devastating!  I remember hearing about it on the news when it happened and honestly just grieved for their family.  I don't "know" them, but have been very familiar with Steven Curtis Chapman's music and followed their story as they've adopted three little girls from China.  There are some things I just don't want to read about.  It wasn't because I knew it would be a sad story, but because sometimes looking at the frailty of our lives is just too much.  I can't fathom losing a child.  Just the thought makes my gut hurt and eyes begin to tear. 
So, I didn't want to read the book, until I heard the prologue.  In October a few friends from seminary were able (once again) to attend Beth Moore's taping at Life Today Studios for the Wednesday's with Beth program.  It is an intense weekend, but SO very good.  In the very last session before closing Beth brought up Mary Beth Chapman.  I don't want to give it away, but it was GOOD...arm tingling, not-a-dry-eye-in-the-place GOOD.  The sessions that we went to last year are just now airing, so this one likely won't be out for awhile yet, but the book is.  And, Beth Moore wrote out her "part" in the story and it is the prologue for the book. 
My friend gave me the book to read yesterday.  I started into it a little yesterday and loved it.  It is honest and real and it is more about her life and struggles with God than just about their little girl.  I got to the hardest part today and had to put the book down and walk away for a bit.  It is heart wrenching, but they testify to God's faithfulness.  As she shared about their adoptions and their heart for orphans I felt my own heart being stirred towards something I hope is part of our future.
So, get the book and read it!  If you tend to shy away from topics like this (like I do) because they are so hard, please reconsider.  I don't think you'll be disappointed.

We ended up sitting to the side or behind her for all the sessions so I wasn't able to get as good of a shot as last year.  During the last session I could see myself on the camera whenever she came my direction...just a little distracting!

Storms

One thing about living in north Texas is that it is flat, very flat.  So, when a storm is coming, you can see it.  There aren't any mountains blocking the view.  When we moved here last August I was amazed at how routine the storms seemed.  I finally asked a "native" Texan, "Does every Thursday start off nice and beautiful and end with a magnificent thunder and rain storm?"  It had done that about 4 weeks in a row, so I thought maybe this was usual.  She was surprised and said, "Really, I hadn't noticed that."  Sure enough, Thursday rolled around and with it the storm.  It eventually stopped that cycle, but I was thinking how nice it would be if we could see the storms of life coming with such predictability.

Sometimes, we can see the storm coming and there is nothing we can do but hunker down and go right through it.  I kind of feel that way right now.  There is something brewing.  It may just pass over, but it could get powerful and kick up some stuff too.  I don't know what "category" of storm it's going to be, but I do know how I want to respond.  How I respond is all the "control" I have over the situation.  I can't control how others respond.  We've been warned in Scripture that storms are coming; it's a part of life.  Scripture uses "when" instead of "if" to prepare us for trials and troubles.  I think we prefer to read "when trouble comes" as "IF trouble comes."  Somehow "IF" is more comforting, but it's the "when" that grows us up in character.

So, at least now I know why I am camped out in the book of James (still).
"Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
"...let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind."
"Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."
"Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."

Responding to God

It's 9:45 pm and I just got my kids into bed.  Long day, longer night, but so worth it.  Josiah went to bed in tears, something to do with toothpaste, but I told him everything would be fine in the morning.  Two hours past bedtime and he is done in! 

Anyway, the boys and I headed up to the church tonight for an evangelistic "event."  The preacher is good.  He went on a little about how people in the "buckle of the Bible belt" go to church for 10,000 reasons and none of them have to do with hearing from God.  A few other comments too, but I did manage to refrain my "amens" and "that's right" to myself.  I've mentioned this to Casey a few times, but I feel so out of place at church.  Not sure if it's a "southern" thing or what.  But, if God speaks, heaven help me if I don't respond to Him!  Especially if I sense something during my quiet time and only kind of respond and then hear it again (a little louder) the very same night.  Well, let's just say, I've learned that it is better to obey right away.  (Isn't that what I always tell my kids too?)  Half the time at the response (altar) time I'm expecting the whole body to be down front, and I look around and see only a handful....  I know, everyone "responds" to God in their own way, but I kinda think that as a believer if you can't respond publicly IN CHURCH, then you aren't going to be responding much outside either.   I had this thought tonight and laughed a little to myself, but I wonder if people think I'm getting saved every time I go forward.  Sometimes I get kind of weird looks, but that could just be me too.  :>)  I just want more of God.  I'm not satisfied to just "go to church."  I want and need Him too desperately to take Him casually.

So anyway, after the service was over I sat and talked a little with Ethan.  We probably sat there for 10 minutes or so and I shared with him what God showed me and he shared with me some thoughts and prayers he thought of too during the message.  It blessed me like nothing else to hear my son sharing about God with me!  It was huge for me.  Thank you God for that time with Ethan!  We ended our time by praying for Josiah to respond to God too.  It was a very sweet time.  I am truly blessed.